Life can throw up many curve balls such as betrayal, illness, death or abandonment. Though we may share similar experiences, every hurt is personal and can be painful. Even though some of our wounds are not our fault, our healing remains within our control.
If our emotional hurts are left unattended, as with all physical wounds, it will fester and become infected. This will then inhibit us from truly enjoying that which is around us and from fully committing ourselves to the present moment.
Here are Four suggestions to help H.E.A.L. our wounds.
H- Heed our Pain
The avoidance of pain increases it. To heal, we must pass through the doorway of grief. Emotional wounds are beyond “sadness”; they’re felt in the depths of our being. Heed our pain, don’t run from it. Unplug, put time aside to reflect, and give ourselves permission to grieve. If well meaning people push you to “get over it,” ignore them. Time and patience are key to recovery. Surround ourselves with friends who understand that.
E- Engage in Healthy Social Activities
Being alone is part of healing, but long periods of isolation can be unhealthy. Deep pain always brings out personal demons, such as blaming ourselves, embracing victimhood or bitterness. Such choices breed entrapment, not freedom. Reach out to friends, find support groups, seek comfort in prayer, or whatever brings us peace of mind. Instead of longing for a miracle, create one.
A- Altering our Narratives
“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” — Helen Keller
People and communities use stories to understand the world and our place in it. The key to recovery from our pain is in the way we tell our life's stories. The way we recount experiences to others seems to shape the way we end up remembering those events. Altering our stories can snap our brains out of a negative spiral, and into a productive mindset. The trick is not to deny our suffering, or setbacks, but to accept them and know that it will pass. Stories of overcoming challenges and pain create aspirational narratives that promote a more positive outlook of the future ahead.
L- Learn to let it Go
Some people allow suffering to define them, shape them and, ultimately, rob of them of living.
Learn to let go (adapted):
"If it does not bring happiness to our lives… let it go.
If it is not constructive… let it go.
If it does not let us grow... let it go.
If it does not propel us forward... let it go.
If it imposes its ego... let it go.
If the cons outnumber the pros... let it go.
If it does not contribute positively to our lives... let it go."
Don't dwell to swell it.
Deal it to heal it instead.
Fred Toke aka Dr. Tokémon